Hi or Hello. Which one’s better?
Honestly, neither. I have to think of something better to say to this woman standing at the bar. I want to meet her. Maybe if I stare, or no, that word is too stalkerish, how about gaze? Can I gaze? Is gazing acceptable? I even considered sending a cheeky whatsapp to her friend to break the ice.
Okay, let me just look. Look at me, girl. Look. I need to know. Come on. Raise the head, the eyes, let them drift over here. Yep, that’s it. Over, one more person. No, you missed me girl. Too far over. A little to the left, there, hold it, hold it, hold…Damn. She looked away. I thought about joking about it later on whatsapp.
I’m still going to talk to her anyway. Let me see, what can I say?
Hi? Hello?
Hi is soft. I’m not soft.
Hello is formal. This is not a formal place.
Besides, how many times has she heard either of those things? I need a drink. Not a drink, drink. I want to be sober for this. I need a Coke. Bartender, can I get a Coke? Three dollars? Here’s a five. Keep the change. Feeling confident tonight? I better be. This girl is going to take guts. I debated whether to text her first on whatsapp, but that felt too cowardly.
Okay, damn, she moved from her spot. She’s walking over in my direction, but definitely not towards me. I hope she does something crazy like trip, and then, I can save her from falling flat on her face. That will make this whole meeting thing so much easier. I don’t have to say, Hi or Hello. I can ask her if she’s okay, and she can say she is because of me, and I can say, “Well, you know, that’s what I do. My name is Superman. What’s yours?” Then she can totally dismiss me because that was the corniest thing I have ever thought of in my life. I just turned myself off. Maybe I should’ve sent a whatsapp beforehand to test the waters.
Oh wait, here she comes. Walking. Walking in my direction. Look at me again, girl. Please. And remember me, the one who you looked at for two “Hold its” from the other end of the bar. If you look at me for one “Hold it,” I’m going to add that to the other two, and then I will approach because three “Hold Its” means you want to talk to me or me to talk to you. I briefly thought about sharing this “method” on whatsapp with my wingman.
There! Right there! Who saw that? Anyone else? Did anyone else see her look at me? That was two more “Hold Its” she gave me. Not just one. No? No ones paying attention to me? Fine. I guess I’m on my own here. I wanted to send a quick whatsapp venting about this awkwardness, but resisted.
Watch her walk away. Oh, wow, she looks just as good when she walks away as she does walking to. I could’ve commented about her style on whatsapp to see what my friends thought.
Now it’s set. I’m going to meet this girl. Just a matter of when. Timing is key here. Approach is something of an art and I can barely draw right now, but let me size this up. See where she lands. I briefly considered asking my buddy via whatsapp for advice on what to say.
She’s with friends now. Just a group of girls. They want to dance. She’s taking a moment. Probably cause her glass is too full and she doesn’t want to spill. I hope that’s reason. I don’t like a girl who doesn’t like to dance. A girl who doesn’t like to dance doesn’t like to have fun. I like to have fun. Let’s hope this girl likes to have fun. Maybe I should text her later on whatsapp if she does.
She’s stirring her straw in her drink. I’m walking over there. Think of something to say. Something better than Hi or Hello. Damn it, think of SOMETHING. I only have ten paces left.
10 (“What’s up”?)
9 (That’s good)
8 (But it’s kind of man-ish too.)
7 (“What’s going on”?)
6 (Who am I Marvin Gaye?)
5 (“My name is Jozen”?)
4 (Way too formal)
3 (Wait, I know exactly what I’m going to say!)
2 (It’s perfect!)
1 (Here we go…)
“Hi.” (Fuck Jozen)
She says, “Hello.” (She’s smiling.) I consider sending a post-meeting whatsapp just to keep the vibe going.
